Friday, January 27, 2012
Upgrade Your Life: How to Become an Early Riser
Posted by GG on 12:48 AM
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At any given time, I'm sure I could name at least ten things about my life that I would like to change. Don't get me wrong - I appreciate my life and I focus more on what's right than what's wrong. I know how important it is to be content with where I am right now. But we're all works in progress and life is always willing to teach us more about what our strengths and weaknesses are. It may sound contradictory - saying I want to change and be content with myself at the same time - but that's my reality.
There is always going to be some area of our lives that feels neglected. And I've discovered that taking the time to pay attention to these neglected things, even in a small way, makes me feel more appreciative, more fulfilled and definitely more confident.
In this new series, "Upgrade Your Life", we'll give suggestions for how you can make small, gradual changes to impact your life in a big way. No matter what it is you want to do, there are baby steps you can take to get there.
This first post is focused on How to Become an Early Riser.
I've never been a morning person. Almost every morning is rushed and frantic. I rarely have time to eat breakfast before I get to work. I often find myself snapping at the kids and rushing them because I'm running late. This pattern has been bothering me for awhile.
I often think about how I can steal away a little more time to myself. It finally occurred to me that I need to start getting up earlier. I want to have at least one hour to myself each morning to exercise, write, meditate or do whatever my heart desires before everyone gets up. This is a way for me to start the day with me, myself and I and get centered before I face the day. This is no small task for me, as I've always been a late to bed, late to rise kind of person. And yet I'm convinced that this change, daunting as it may seem, will be worth it.
Here's my 5 step plan:
1) Go to bed early enough to get X hours of sleep. You probably know how much sleep you need to function at your best. I need about 7 hours most nights. I can get away with 5 - 6 sometimes, but I try not to make a habit of that. If getting up early is a real priority, then you'll do what you have to do and make the necessary sacrifices to get to bed.
2) Get up at the designated time no matter what. To start off, I'm just focusing on getting up at 5 am. I won't put any pressure on myself to get up and do this or do that. This way I won't feel overwhelmed. Just the effort of getting up at 5 am and staying up is an accomplishment for me. When I get up, I make myself leave my bedroom. I keep an alarm next to my bed and one over by the door. That way I can't rationalize as I continue to lay there in the warm bed.
3) Express the importance of this project to the family. It's surprising how much support you get when you let it be known that you need it. I told my family about this effort and how it was a serious thing for me, and they didn't laugh at me! When my alarm goes off now, my honey nudges me and tells me to get up. His support helps tremendously.
4) Focus on what you will get out of it. When I say focus, I mean somewhat obsess over it. I'm doodling "5 AM" all over my journal. I'm writing about it. I'm talking about it. I'm thinking about how I will feel during that early morning hour to myself....what I'll do...how proud of myself I will be...how this morning treat will positively affect the rest of my day.
5) Don't beat yourself up or give up when you oversleep. Everyday last week I had the intention of getting up at 5 am and I didn't achieve it not once. It was very discouraging but I kept trying. This week has been much better. I'm determined. I want to prove to myself that I can set a small goal and be consistently focused on it until it becomes a real habit. If I fall off for a day, I'm right back on it the next day, trying to get back on track.
Remember....
No matter how many mistakes we make or how slow we progress, we are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. ~Author Unknown
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
How I've Learned to Deal with My Mother's Mental Illness
Posted by GG on 8:36 AM
I grew up in a Christian household for most of my life until early in my teen years, my mother became disillusioned with Christianity and began exploring other religions. One of the first changes I remember is that we started observing the Sabbath from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. I later came to understand that my mother (and therefore I) had adopted the faith of Judaism. We didn't eat dairy products or meat on the same day or on the same plates. There were so many changes almost overnight, and I didn't understand where these drastic changes were coming from. I was so embarrassed by my new lifestyle and I hid it from my friends as much as possible.
My mother's unpredictable behavior was brought on by a mental illness that was undiagnosed at that time. Like most teenagers, I just wanted to fit in with everyone else but my mother's mounting emotional issues and religious confusion had a huge impact on me and made me feel like my life was anything but ordinary. I struggled with all of this as an adolescent trying to figure out life and my place in it.
So why am I telling you all this?
Because over the years I've come to appreciate that my unique experiences have added to my character and not detracted from it as I once thought. Most of us have some aspects of our lives that we are ashamed of or that we feel have damaged us in some way.
I want you to know that no matter what you've been through or how bad it seemed at the time, you don't have to cling to the idea that your experiences have broken you. Everyone has a cross to bear. Everyone is dealing with something - no matter how perfect their lives may seem. We all have disappointments and regret.
To this day, I feel rather isolated when I see my friends with their mothers bonding over motherhood and grown woman things. It's not like my mother has passed away, but mentally and emotionally she's not a presence in my life because of her illness. I still wonder, "Why does my mom have to be sick? Why can't I have a normal relationship with her?"
Are you struggling to accept something from your past or present that you can't change? Do you feel isolated or unfavored in some way because of the cards you've been dealt? Consider the following:
Whatever you have been through in life, please realize that challenges aren't meant to punish us. They are meant to make us more loving, more faithful and and more aware that there is more going on than what meets the eye. How could we ever appreciate beauty if we never saw pain? Or how could we empathize with anyone, if we never went through our own struggles?Remember, everything makes you more. Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Well-Meaning Folk
Posted by Kim Jackson on 3:41 PM
When are you getting married?
When are you having babies?
Weren’t you in law school? What happened?
You’re starting your own business?! But it’s a recession!
We’ve all gotten questions like these at one point or another. Seemingly harmless inquiries that can be, in fact, completely invasive and upsetting to the person expected to respond to them—for various reasons that are likely lost on the person inquiring.
The questions come from family, friends and other “well-meaning folk” with completely good intentions. They want to see us happy. To offer their experience and advice. To see us making the “right” decisions.
The problem is they are planting seeds, igniting insecurities, imposing timelines and setting additional traps on a road that’s probably a bit rocky for you already. They can’t just leave you alone because they think they are helping. What you view as probing and nay saying, they believe to be support.
Ouch. What a tough position to be in.
What you don’t want to do: be rude, shun their support or seem unappreciative.
What you DO want to do: stand firm in your conviction to do things in the way that feels right to you and to live your life on your own terms. Maybe he won’t marry you, maybe you’ll never have children, maybe you decided that law isn’t where your passion lies, and maybe your first attempt at your business will fail. But you will love again, you will find fulfillment in other familial relationships, you’ll develop a new skill and you’ll rebuild your business. Ultimately, you will gain life experience, learn invaluable lessons and discover your own strength and value. And isn’t that what the journey is really all about?
So it’s okay to accept their support, but decline to accept their opinions. It is okay to leave their questions unanswered until you have come to your own conclusions. It is okay to be secure in your decision to enjoy the ride and revel in the present without manipulation. It’s okay to daydream and to set goals without attaching anxiety to the future results. It is completely okay to NOT listen to the well meaning folk in your life. Your heart and your intuition will tell you everything you need to know. Listen to yourself.
Photo via Pinterest
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
"Find Your Truth" Series - Part IX
Posted by Kim Jackson on 3:00 PM
In the ninth and final post of our ‘Find Your Truth’ series, Shaquetta shares some of her personal truths.
"Celebrate your progress.” -Shaquetta
This I Know to Be True About Relationships:
Relationships are awesome, but the first person you should be committed to is yourself. Self-commitment is the unconditional, ride-or-die, encouraging, supportive, fill-in-the-blank love for you. Relationships with others are essential to living. We need other people to survive and people who say they don’t need people need a hug. The way you treat other people and the way you allow them to treat you starts with how you treat yourself. There may be times where you have to remove yourself (temporarily or permanently) from relationships with whomever and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you love them any less but sometimes you have to check in with you. You can’t be good to anybody else if you don’t take care of yourself first. Unhealthy relationships are not sexy.
This I Know to Be True About Money:
SAVE, SAVE, SAVE--even if it’s five dollars--and don’t touch it! The keynote speaker at my honor society banquet told us he started saving for his retirement in his 20s and as soon as I got a job I was saving. If at all possible I’d like to retire sooner than later. Learning to manage your money in general is an extremely important skill for yourself and your future generations. Don’t lend any amount of money that you don’t feel comfortable with giving away. ‘No’ is a complete sentence.
This I Know to Be True About Natural Hair:
It is mine and God gave it to me this way! I won’t accept the idea that my hair is radical, unkempt, unprofessional, or anything other than my crown. Transitioning was scary at times but it’s been so worth it. Now I have nothing against chemical processing, that’s your choice, but my natural hair journey is a major inspiration for my spiritual journey.
This I Know to Be True About Service:
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE helping other people. It’s my passion; however, I’m starting to learn that it’s okay to allow people to be responsible for their own journeys. Sometimes helping others isn’t helping, it’s enabling. It almost feels as if I’m interfering with their lesson from God and I should be telling myself “BACK UP! BACK UP!...just mind ya business, that’s all, just mind ya business” and maybe that’s my lesson. Sometimes a simple prayer is all the helping I need to do.
This I Know to Be True About My Self:
No matter where I am, as long as I love me I’ll be okay. I have to be true to myself and sometimes that can be uncomfortable, but I have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Click here to read all the entries in the Find Your Truth series.
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We are so grateful to all the women who participated and shared some of the things that have become true for them as they have navigated their journeys thus far. Each post was relatable and inspiring in its own way; and--we hope—just the spark you needed to discover some personal truths of your own.
photo via google images
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Why You Should Stop Existing and Live in the Now
Posted by Kim Jackson on 9:58 PM
In this month's guest post, Pastor/Professor Lawrence Ware urges us to live, rather than simply existing.
Every morning, upon waking, Alexander the Great would have his servants tell him: One day soon you will die. This was not because Alexander the Great was morbid—for him, it was inspirational.
Dear reader, allow this to be a wake up call. Rich or poor, famous or a part of the hoi polloi, we all have a common denominator: death.
We like to think that the world will end without us. Once we are gone, we think that the Earth will stop rotating. The sky will darken. The world will freeze over.
It does not happen that way.
When we die, people will cry. They will be sad. They will post Facebook status messages about how we all need to value life—live each moment like it is our last. People will write on your Facebook wall and say how much they miss you. Silliness like “God needed another angel…” will be said—as if God needed anything. They will have your funeral, cry, and people will talk too long during the time for remarks. After it is all done, we will return to our lives; happens every time.
Why am I meditating upon death; because I want you to live. Not exist, live.
Do not live in the future. Do not put things off. Stop procrastinating.
Take that trip. Go back to school. If you love them, tell them. Notice the little things: the sound of laughter, the smell of spring, the feel of cold.
Live.
Death is certain. We do not know when, and we do not know where. All you have is this moment.
Right now: are you awake to life? Or are you just existing in it; suffering through. If so, then it is time to wake up.
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Lawrence Ware is lecturing professor of philosophy at Oklahoma State University and Pastor of Christian Education at Prospect Church. He writes for Tikkun and Religion Dispatchers all while living in Oklahoma City with his wife and sons.
Photo via Pinterest
