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In the past, I've spent a lot of my energy feeling frustrated when my partner was not living up to my expectations.
When we love someone, we want what we think is best for them and often we don't understand their behaviors and hang ups.
We have to let people we love grow at their own pace. People do what they do until they have grown enough to do better. When we seek to change another person we set the stage for a great deal of conflict in our relationships. The following excerpt says it perfectly.
Very often we go into relationships with the idea that we can make somebody better. We see their flaws or shortcomings and take it upon ourselves to help them fix what is wrong.
Our task in our relationships is not to fix one another. Our job is to love what we see and support one another in doing better. Fixing is telling what is wrong, why and how to fix it. Supporting is allowing our loved ones to make their own choices, being there if things go wrong and supporting them in doing better the next time.
Fixing is forcing them to do it our way when their way doesn't work. Supporting is sharing our needs and trusting that they will take them into account. Fixing is nagging. Supporting is nurturing. Fixing is anger when things get rough. Supporting is knowing things will get better.
Supporting is seeing each other exactly as we are. Fixing is seeing in them what we refuse to see in ourselves. ~Author UnknownHave you tried to "fix" your partner? From my experience, it causes nothing but frustration and resentment.
But how do you let go enough to let people grow on their own when you love them so much? Further, what do you do when the person's behavior is not just hurting them, but it's also having a detrimental impact on others? When is it time to step in or perhaps even walk away?
4 comments:
I totally agree. As someone who used to have good intentions and thought I was helping someone in the process, I now realize I wanted to tweak them a bit. I often see the good in people and sincerely desire that they see the same, but like you said...it's not up to us and people are more receptive to love
This is something I have been working on. In the past when someone had an issue I wanted to make it better for them. I used to be so frustrated at people....well friends. I had to realize that people don't always treat you the way you treat them. I also had to realize it's okay to put myself first. It's not about being selfish. It's about self preservation.
I love this article. I have spent many years feeling frustrated with my partner for various reasons; the list seemed endless. Then I began to realise that the problem wasn't him, it was me.
I needed to change how I felt. After all I am far from perfect and it was me that was being irritated and stressed not him, so I am learning to embrace his little ways and focus on his many brilliant qualities instead.
I even wrote them down, and seeing them in black and white really made me understand that I have been focusing on nonsense for far too long. I have my perfect man right before me and had forgotten....lol
Natalie
www.accidentalmogul.blogspot.com
Your realizations are so beautiful ladies! It feels very empowering to recognize a behavior in yourself and be able to turn it around.
@Natalie - Congrats to you and your relationship!
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