photo credit: http://nik-helbig.com/
there is a wonderful release that comes from making peace with something that has haunted me.
it's a release that i can't force. can't fake. can't make it convenient for other people. or even for myself. but i know that the peace will come to me if i open up to it...and accept the bittersweet exposure that comes with it.
accidentally on purpose, i often downplay my true passions because i think it makes life easier... if i disconnect from my heart's desires then i won't have to be vulnerable, take risks or be disappointed. but passions don't go away when they are ignored. they intensify.
today i had one of those thrilling moments where the fog cleared. the clutter of my fears, insecurities and misperceptions seemed to disappear and my hiding places were exposed. and i felt relieved. thankful for what i've been running from for so long. thankful to daringly turn around and face it.
thankful to just let go.
now, i can only be honest and let the truth work it's magic. no doubts. i can say what i need to say without shame or regret. i can put words to my feelings and let my heart beat the way it wants to. it's like falling a little deeper in love with myself. knowing that the specific outcome of the affair is not important. what matters is what i find in myself on the way....love and reciprocity that requires no cooperation but my own.